MeezAkoh

If you know me, you already know this about me: I am that person who will choose everyone around me before choosing myself. And if you’re familiar with what it means to be a first child and first daughter in an African household, then you already understand why this has been such a defining part of my life. My fellow Africans, especially the first daughters, this one is for you. You get it. #IYKYK

From an early age, I learned responsibility before I learned rest. I became the problem solver, the fixer, the peacemaker. I was always looking for solutions, always trying to make things better for everyone else—often at the expense of my own happiness and needs.

I spent years trying to resolve everyone’s problems, offering support, advice, time, energy—sometimes even at the expense of my own happiness and well-being. I gave up my needs so others could feel comfortable. I postponed my joy so others could feel whole.

And many times, it was met with appreciation—especially from my family. At times, it was met with silence or the expectation that I should do more. And when I encountered those unappreciative moments, I would quickly silence myself by saying, “I didn’t do this for thanks, but for the will of God.”

Na!! Not again!! And this is how i began my journey to self-love!

There’s a saying that goes, “You can’t drink from an empty jar.” And finally, I understand it deeply. I cannot pour into others when I am depleted. I cannot show up fully when I am emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. I cannot be of help if I am empty.

Gone are the days when I would be the first to make sure everyone and their mother was okay, while hoping to somehow take care of myself afterward, which sometimes never happened. That approach no longer works for me, and honestly, it never really did.

So today, I choose to share the six intentional ways I am choosing myself moving forward, and I hope this encourages a brother or sister out there.

1. Mental Health: Prioritizing My Inner World

For a long time, mental health was something I pushed aside. I told myself I was “fine.” I stayed busy. I stayed productive. I stayed strong.

But strength without awareness is just survival.

Now, I am learning to check in with myself, honestly and i hope it stays like this forever. I am giving myself permission to feel without guilt. To pause without explaining. To say, “This is too much right now,” and mean it. Protecting my mental health is no longer optional. It is foundational for a better me and for the people around me that matter – my beautiful family and friends.

2. Calm and Rest: Honoring My Need to Slow Down

Just like mental health, rest is no longer something I earn after exhaustion. It is something I deserve. If i cannot make it to the event – fine! If i cannot make it to church – okay we move! – Praise and worship at home! I need a grocery run and i am exhausted – Well paying for my calm and rest via any of the grocery or food delivery services like DoorDash.

I am making it a priority to get at least eight hours of sleep at night and allowing myself moments of rest during the day when possible. Slow evenings and weekends are on my books. If I don’t have the energy to get something done, I no longer force it. I leave it for when I am able to, without guilt or self-criticism. I have come to learn that Rest is Productive andCalm is Powerful. And I am learning that slowing down does not mean falling behind (This especially has been challenging to understand, but i am pushing through.)

3. Lifestyle: Choosing Presence Over Pressure

I touched a lil bit about this above – I am learning to attend events and gatherings when I can and when my body is rested. I no longer choose showing up for others over recovering from exhaustion.

As a mom, a full-time homemaker, and someone with a regular 9-to-5 job, I wear many hats. By the end of the day, some days I am barely surviving—just keeping my head above water and that’s the truth. So now, I listen to my body instead of overriding it.

I am also being more intentional about who I spend my time with, be it family or friends. Not everyone deserves access to my energy. No more energy drainers. Peace is the new priority.

4. Nutrition: Fueling My Body With Intention

What I eat and drink matters more than ever! I am being mindful of my nutrition, cutting back on sugar and high-inflammatory foods and choosing more fruits and vegetables. This isn’t about perfection; it’s about awareness. It’s about understanding that food is not just fuel, it affects my mood, my energy, and my overall well-being. Taking care of my body is another way I am showing myself love.

5. Exercise: Progress, Not Perfection

I’ll be honest, this is still a work in progress, especially during the winter months. Some days, motivation is hard to find.

But instead of giving up entirely, I am dedicating time to small movements, stretching here and there, dancing to my favorite tunes or other gentle activities when I can. I am learning that movement doesn’t have to be intense to be meaningful.

6. Self-Care and Beauty: Pouring Back Into Me

For a long time, self-care felt like a luxury. Now, I understand it as maintenance. Skincare – Hair care – Moments that help me feel like me again.

These are not frivolous. They are grounding. They remind me that I matter too, not just in what I give, but in who I am.

As i continue to pour into myself, i am realizing that choosing myself does not mean I love others less. It means I finally love myself enough to stop disappearing. I am still kind, I am still giving, i am still sharing the love, but now, I am also whole.

Honestly, this journey I have undertaken—the rested, awareness, boundary-honoring version of me—will not only enrich my mind, body, and soul, but will also help me show up as the best version of myself for my loved ones and i hope you do same.

With Love!

Bonus: When a conversation drains you more than it uplifts you, it is a sign to mute your inner mic and walk away. Choose PEACE every time! And remember to do the things that bring you HAPPINESS, whether it’s binge-watching, enjoying your favorite foods, traveling, reading, or anything that brings the light out in you.